I’m a horrible mother.

Kyle rolled off the bed. I feel unfit to be a mother. It was a 2 feet drop onto a tiled floor. The thud and his screams won’t leave me. As I rushed to him, I felt a paralyzing fear grip me from head to toe; I was in total shock.

Wednesday’s are my pediatrician’s off days and my primary doctor was out of the office so I called my registered nurse that helped me take care of Kyle in his first week. She said to just monitor him and to watch for vomiting and high fever.

He fell face down but I feel a soft lump on the side of his head. My nurse advised me to just cool the lump with a washcloth – she thinks it’s just a bruise. Other than the lump, he seems to be his normal self. He had his feeding and continued to smile at his wretched mother. 😦

I’ve been tearing apart baby boards for advice and I feel temporarily reassured that this happens to almost every new mom. But I can’t help but feel completely useless and unfit to be a parent.

He’s been asleep in my arms since and I realize it has been awhile since I’ve let him stay long enough on my chest until he falls asleep. How selfish of me to think that I was too tired or that he was too heavy to have him fall asleep on me. I feel horrible. I don’t know what to do with myself.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “I’m a horrible mother.

  1. I know you feel bad, but please don’t. It does happen. I once put my son in a standing position, holding a chair, turned away for a second and hear “Thunk.” He fell straight back, head hit the carpeted cement floor in the basement rec room. Sounded like a ripe pumpkin. I still hear that and cringe.
    Kids are resilient. I tried not to “bubble wrap” them – because they learn from mistakes, bumps and bruises. My 3 unbreakable rules: never unattended in water, never alone with the dogs (who are gentle and kid friendly. But still dogs.) and never alone in the car. (Even if I have to wake a sleeping baby to run in for a gallon of milk.)
    A bump that goes out is generally okay. One that goes in? Bad.
    Always call your doc if you have a question. That is what they are there for…. I promise you are not the only mom who calls – even in the middle of the night.
    And always trust your instinct…you know your child.

    Like

    • Oh goodness. Thank God your son is ok! And thank you for sharing. I really really appreciate this. And thank you for sharing your unbreakable rules. I just feel at a loss. I just feel so… I don’t even know. I kept holding him for hours on end yesterday. Felt so guilty every time I looked at him. 😦

      I’m going to call his pediatrician when she opens and have her take a look at the lump. He seems to be his normal self so far.

      Like

  2. The front of the head is the thickest part of a baby’s skull to hit. (I’m an ER doctor) and trust me we have all done it or something similar, my second son rolled down the stairs and broke his arm a week before he turned 1. You are going to make mistakes, we all do, and things happen even if we don’t make any mistakes. Learn to give your self some grace, it will go a long way in this mommy adventure!

    Like

    • Thank you so much for commenting! I think he’s ok but I’m still a ball of nerves. I just feel inadequate and so stupid for making such a careless, careless mistake. I think I’ll feel better after I get him checked out.

      His lump is on the side of his head behind the ear; doesn’t seem to be as soft as yesterday I think. Thank you again for being so kind. I really needed this today.

      Like

  3. I agree with the comments you’ve gotten already. One of my friends back at home had an incident like that with her baby. I think it’s pretty common, so yeah don’t beat yourself about it. You’re a first time parent and there’s gonna be many learning lessons along the way. Feel better love!

    Like

    • Thanks, Connie. I’m just freaking out over every cry now and wondering if it’s out of pain. He seems to have forgotten about it. I Skype’d my mom and started crying. I wish my mom was here.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s