I stayed up until 5AM this morning reading the last book of Stieg Larsson’s, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. About 80% read. That’s my one problem with books – once I get sucked in, I have trouble putting it down until I get my fix. I am paying for it now, since I only got 4 hours of sleep. And even then, I still woke up 2 times. Gah! I also downloaded The Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire; Book 1) on my Kindle. Let’s see what the big hoopla is about. I downloaded the free sample and it intrigued me. I really hope it’s not about dragons and warlocks.
I started getting anxious again last night about leaving. I’m more anxious about leaving my mom more so than anything. She and I are very similar in the way that we both wear our hearts on our sleeves. We’re emotional and she feels the same way that I do when it comes to me leaving again. When I told her I would be leaving this Friday, her face fell immediately and her eyes were glistening with tears. My mom doesn’t really keep friends. Over the years, she’s been hurt and betrayed by so-called “friends” countless times. She only knows of her job, her family, and her gardening. When I’m not here, she has no one to really talk to. Well, to my dad to a certain degree. She doesn’t trust many people so it’s hard for her to express herself to other people as she can with me. She started crying last week because she was so financially stressed (My dad was unemployed for 1.5 years and just started working last month).
My mom was one of the top three reasons why I didn’t want to leave home in the first place. I’m scared for her. Yes, we talk on Skype a couple of times a week but she hides things from me. She doesn’t want to burden me with familial drama and her own fears while I’m away. My heart breaks when I think of her. I think of my mom as my best friend. I’m the only person she can vent to and I’m scared for her emotional state while I am away. She says she’s been doing ok but when I got back last month, I saw that she lost 15 pounds. : (
It doesn’t help that my fiance and I argued yesterday for the first time in months. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s been up for 28 hours playing Diablo 3? Or because of the month long distance from one another? I don’t know. But we’re not in a good place right now. We’re not communicating well. : (
So yes. That is why I am in a FUNK! GAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I feel a little better now. Blogging my thoughts always helps. I get to see my thoughts written down instead of them whirling around frantically in my head. Gives me perspective. This blog was initially suppose to only deal with food and nutrition but it has evolved into something with more depth. I hope you guys don’t mind my emotional tirades! : )
Until the next emotional babble, please enjoy some pictures from the past few days. Thanks!